September 2009
163 posts
Drunken competency has its downsides on the wallet
I drank a lot last night. It was a good night where drinking worked at making everything feel warm and nice.
On the downside, I apparently bought a camera.
This could get expensive.
Fame fails again
Yet another star fails to use his previous time spent on TV/Film to dodge the reaper’s grasp.
Our 100% death rate is sustained.
This is not sad, this is not a pattern, this is not shocking, it is not a bad (or good for that matter) time to be a star, there aren’t more deaths happening, etc.
He had pancreatic cancer, and people die of that every day. You don’t give a fuck about...
The Naughtiest Sex Position and/or Rape: 5 hot...
via
(I find it sad/funny that people need to be told how to have sex - “this is how you should feel and/or do things” - therefore I’m tweaking this to also work for cases of rape.)
5 Hot Things to Do with Your Hands While he’s holding you during wall action, your fingers are free to roam. These moves will max the pleasure. 1. Draw him close. Arch your back, and put one...
Shut the fuck up, retards
Every year the MTV VMAs reminds me that the world is full of fucking retards.
To illustrate this point, I will remember a story from when I was like 5. I was a little kid of course, so I fucking loved superheros. The idea that someone could be better than all of us and solve every problem I had, that was pretty cool. Superman, Batman, Spiderman, etc. I thought they were the best. I wanted to read...
Screenplay
I’m working on a sequel to Taken where people conspire to keep giving Liam Neeson their kids. He quickly runs out of space and has to beat the shit out of them to drive them away.
Feel good comedy of the summer. Or winter. Whatever - go fuck yourself.
Midgets ain't shit.
Speaking of midgets (any time you find yourself saying/writing that, it is probably a sign of something awesome)…
If you want to make any rap song like a billion times better, replace all instances of “bitches” with “midgets”.
Similarly, all Kelly Clarkson songs turn awesome if you replace all instances of “you” with “Jews”.
So few things left that do.
There are two things I strive for every day, and it brings me so much joy when I can succeed at either/both:
1) convincing people who haven’t met me (or haven’t seen me in 15 years) that I’m obese and/or bedridden 2) same thing, but that I’m a dwarf
#2 is extra fun if they think I’m joking and I can go on a tirade about the differences between a dwarf and a midget.
“It’s so easy to mistake insanity for enthusiasm.”
– apelad (via merlin)
Want to see my etchings?
So if a girl invites you over to see her paintings, is that like being asked to come up for coffee?
It reminds me of a time in college when I was on my second date with a girl (upperclass too! both in school year and social status) and I was saying goodbye to her, dropping her at her place. She stood on the second step of her building, since she was so much shorter than me. It put us...
Checkmate
Back in the day, I had a math professor (several of them, go figure). Said math professor told of his youth and the first time he heard of a mathematical proof. He said he clearly missed the point the first go ‘round, as he took it as a challenge. Hours would go by, him bashing his head against a problem, trying to prove the proof wrong. But that’s the thing about a mathematical proof...
No really
I have so much interest in your ass, and so little interest in whatever the fuck it is you are saying.
Similar to poker
The downside of having friends who are still in high school or college, is how many of them have yet to realize what fucking idiots they are.
The better your school, and sometimes it doesn’t even happen until grad school (or I suppose some even go to their deaths), the sooner you are shown what a fucking idiot you are, and you shut the fuck up about it and spend the rest of your life trying...
Chanel-ing
GET IT?! Because one of his clients is Coco Chanel? Right? OMFG
Anyway, this guy fucking rocks the Guy Bourdin style in a lot of his shots. Well played, sir.
Christoph Sillem
